Drunk Dialing

There is a store phone up in the front next to the registers.  We are supposed to answer it as quickly as possible as to not let them wait.  Usually we pick it up within 2 rings, even if its busy.  However, it gets hard when there are a lot of people waiting to be rung up and it gets ridiculous when the people on the phone ask what the store hour are when had they pressed the number before it on the automated answering machine.

Anyways, tonight I’m on register with three people waiting on line, which is a lot because people don’t like waiting on lines.  So I get a call and pickup, “Hi this is (Insert name here) from (Insert company here) how may I help you?

The person takes forever to respond, asking me to repeat my name twice and says, “why are you acting so formal?”  Now by this time I know this has to be someone who works here.  So I figure I’ll have a little fun and hang up on them.

I take the next customer, but the villain calls back.   I know it’s them because no one calls at 9 pm on a Sunday.   This time the person sounds much more official.  He says that he is the newly appointed regional manager and is coming in right now to speak with me and the manager on duty to discuss my behavior on the phone.

Oh crap, I hope that that was a drunk dial.

I Wish School Was This Easy

Tonight I get a call to the office over the PA.  They want me to take another test.

Every couple of months, employees are required to take tests administered by the national company to make sure everyone’s on the right track.  The tests are administered as multiple choice questions over the phone.  The cool thing is that you have to receive a 100 to pass.  It is amazing how everyone in the store passes…

I was called down to the office, the manager holds out the multiple choice sheet with all the questions on it and says 1, 1, 2, 4, 1.  And I just kind of look at her.  She dials the number to headquarters and puts in the test number.  Its asks for the answer to the first question.  I put in 1 without looking at the question.  I got a 100 on the test.

What are these tests supposed to test you ask?  Employee theft.  Those who are supposed to prevent employees from stealing from the company are promoting an environment of deception.  What harm can come from having employees actually take the test?  Kevin would probably get it wrong.

Family Gang

There is always the person at work who you know you should avoid. You know, the guy who you would not want to get on his bad side. I asked a couple of coworkers who they would least like to fight… they both said this guy. Let’s call him Kevin. Kevin loves to talk about how drunk he gets on his off days. Recently he asked me if he smelled like alcohol… I guess he found the vodka in the storage room.

Anyways, this story is about the time a woman he was talking to gets angry at Kevin on his off hours. He first started hitting on her, but then decided it would be more fun to make fun of her. She gets offended and warns him that her uncle is an FBI agent and can really screw with him. Kevin responds that his brothers’ a Crip and fathers’ a Hells Angel. This kind of shuts her up. The crazy thing was that she was kidding. He wasn’t.

I guess I’ll have to be nicer to him when we’re stocking shelves together.

Fathers Day

Its early in the morning on June 17. People are filing in to grab a newspaper to supplement their coffee purchases. I’m on one of two of the front registers this morning. Since this is a special Sunday the crowd is different, its a holiday. Hallmark cards are clearly going to be today’s best sellers… it is a Hallmark holiday, Fathers Day. My goal for that day was to greet everyone with a smile and wish all of the men within reason a “Happy Fathers Day”. So far, so good, but about an hour into my shift, my plan hits a wall. So far I’ve received warm smiles from everyone, everyone seems excited to have a nice lunch or dinner with their families to celebrate a day of thanks. And, all the men have responded positively to my wishing them a happy Fathers Day. There is a steady stream of customers, so I am unable to look up, but then I see my dilemma.

A priest walks onto my line.

Fathers Day has to be a priests least favorite holiday.

If I wish him a happy fathers day, it would be true because he is a “father”. But it would also be me mocking his devotion to his religion by declaring celibacy in the name of the big father. To avoid getting fired or just the awkwardness that would have ensued following my warm salutation, I just told him to “Have a great day”.